Beer Goggles

I've realised after my Birthday night out, that Beer Goggles are playing a bigger part in my life than I have ever realised.  No matter what you call them, "Beer goggles", "Cider Visor" or my favourite, "Stella vision", we all suffer my friends. 

You may be mistaken that I am talking about yet another of my dating disasters...this time however I am not, this my friends is what I suffer with...but with myself.  You know that feeling, putting on more make up after work, look at yourself and think "Yes, I look HOR-REN-DOUS, seriously...make up is caked on, but hey, gotta work with what you've been given eh", so you suck it up, go to the pub, stand in a dark corner and tell yourself you will leave that said pub before the lights come up.  But no, you then find yourself sinking a couple of vinos, maybe a cheeky Jager, and then you have to give in to the need of taking that fateful first pee...you all know the one. Anyway, so there you are, slightly swaying, finding everyone exceptionally amusing, but hang on, you have some how been trained up in the Jack Dee way of thinking and *my word* you are hilarious, no kidding, Jack Dee should be taking note from you right now not the other way  round.  You take those steps down the stairs (yup, I am thinking of the White Horse Natmagers), giggle at yourself when you slightly slip and jump the rest of the way missing 3 steps *my god you're cool*, then go to the bathroom, wash your hands, look in the mirror.....

Now WHO is this goddess staring back at me? Seriously, your make up is on perfectly, you've got a slight smudge at the corner of your eye...but that's just sexy right? Cheeky little glow to the cheeks, niiiiiice, maybe even give yourself a slight wink....go get em tiger.....

Yet, in reality, your Beer Goggles are working...on yourself.  How wrong is this? Alcohol is actually making you look more attractive to yourself.  We all know that actually that shockingly huge zit that came out of nowhere this morning is gleaming like a beacon, practically directing the planes in, your nose resembles a 70 year old whisky drinkers (why does it grow and go red?), and your teeth? Are you kidding me? Yes, Greyge is the colour to be wearing..but on your nails ladies...not your teeth, and it certainly doesn't match your current ribena smile no matter how much you convince yourself.


Upon this I have decided, I will either:

1. Give up drinking forever
2. Stop looking in mirrors
3. Make everyone drink more so we all have beer goggles on? 

I am going to bed pondering these three options...lets hope I decide on number three.  Hell, its Christmas right?