Gift from the boss....

So...I'm in on a Friday night, couple of reasons, I'm so so poor, and have morphed into my spotty 12 year old self and frankly need to tidy my room as I have a friend staying tomorrow night..however, I am considering shoving everything under my bed or leaving well placed "throws" around the room as I have decided to peruse the ol' Internet dating sites.  Wow...thank goodness I have as the gods of Internet dating are shining down on me tonight....not only have I been added by a man who goes by the name of "Angel" (yes, apparently he is straight and not a girl..however I have my doubts), a man I've dated earlier this year and his cat attacked my face (he blamed me btw), I have also had an email from "Tag" saying:

"Hi there...I'm Tag, and I'm American.  Did you walk the whole of the marathon? Lift you knee's up girl."

Hmm...Tag..Ill lift my knee up alright....into your man bits...

So...Ive decided to leave the Internet for tonight and look seriously at a book my boss kindly left on my desk....

 Right..so Hag..show me what Ive got to do.  Ive flicked through a few pages, and I'm going to pick out a few of my favourite Introduction lines for you;

Become the "HUNTER"

1. Look for a hot guy in the supermarket...open with "I see you've got Captain Sparkle sink cleaner in your basket, does it work well? Because I've got to do mine?"
2. While at the checkout..you see a guy infront of you has something on a two for one offer..point at it and say "Damn, I forgot to get one of those"..while pointing at the item "can I buy one of them from you please to save me traipsing across the store to find one?"
3. Or..if you feel braver..a favourite of mine.."It was buy one get one free at the doughnut counter, so I ended up with enough calories to kill a rhino, please will you help me out and take one of these to stop me from a cholesterol meltdown?"

 Now, ladies and gents, really? Lets be fair, if a guys got "Captain Sparkle" in his basket, its because his wife has told him to buy it, if I ask to have one of his "items" ill nervously end up pointing to his Haemorrhoid cream, and as if I would donate a doughnut?

Ok Hag...whats next....

1. "Go to a local park, but carry a couple of water pistols.  Fill yours up, and fill the other two up half way.  See a couple of hot guys, walk up to them, give them the water pistols while saying "Here, you're going to need this later" and then walk off while giving a cheeky glance over your shoulder.  Start a water fight with your girlfriends, then "accidentally" squirt the hot guys, they will then retaliate but the fun part will be them realising you have more water in your gun !"
2. "Go to the local pond or stream where there are ducks, carry some bread rolls in a bag with you.  See a hot guy on his own, go up to him hand him the bag and ask him to hold it for you while you then walk off to the pond and start feeding the ducks.  He will then walk after you, if he doesn't, look over your shoulder at him and watch him realise what he's meant to do and then walk over to you. Good Doggy."

Ok..lets think, hot guys in the park? Me with my girlfriends starting a water fight? In a weird way, it could work (*queue wet T shirt comp*)..but then...do I want to attract a guy who has already seen all of my bessie mates boobs? No. Ok then, the park.  Well this is only asking for trouble, a guy? In a park? Standing on his own? Err Hello? No guy stands in the park, on his own, unless he's a flasher.

Oh Hag.  What are you suggesting us ladies do eh? But then, I glance at his photo on the back of the book;

 Would you accept advice from a man that looks like this ladies? My answer is probably not, but this book is a real eye opener, I will carry on reading and share some nuggets with you along the way. 

xx

Oh, just an FYI though, if you see me in the supermarket and you're with your girlfriend you should walk her and yourself away as quickly as possible......ill be armed with a plastic gun, eating a doughnut, and with a basket full of toilet unblocker and haemorrhoid cream.....you, my friends, will find me completely irresistible, don't say I didn't warn you.

What now?

Wow..so on Monday I recieved this email:

To: Waite, Alice
Subject: [JustGiving] Your page has stopped taking donations

It's all over! Well done and a mighty big congratulations from all of us at JustGiving.

You've raised a total of £2,264.90 for your charity.

There's nothing more you need to do - we've already sent the funds you've raised through your JustGiving page to the charity.

We hope you feel great about your fundraising....and that the next time you want to donate to, or fundraise for, your favourite charity - you'll use JustGiving. With the fastest Gift Aid collection around, we make sure your gifts go further, faster, for charity.


Oh...my ...word..I mean..I really did it? And you guys? You really did it too? I am so so happy, chuffed, ah-may-zed that you helped me to raise £2,264.90 (who was that 90p eh? tight arse ;-) ) but seriously, you guys gave me that money to do the marathon. Now, what ever your reasons...doubting I would do it...humouring me as I was attempting to do it...wanting to see me run for something other than last orders....I dont care.. frankly you guys supported me and I couldnt have done it without you.  So all I can say is thankyou from the bottom of my heart, and thankyou for donating that money to Diabeties UK.

To be honest, this email has scared me,  I've just opened up my wallet and not only do moths fly out, but so do the receipts for beer, cornish pasty's and Big Macs so I've had to force myself to look at my Marathon photos to remind myself of my achievement..and I still cant believe that was this year? this April? Really? I did it? And I didnt poo or wee myself while doing it? Wow.  Hand on heart I so havent run an inch since then, I am still missing two toenails, but Im also really missing that "something" & I think thats the urge to do something challenging!  What can top the marathon? Who knows, I might leave the suggestions up to you..but until then, I'll keep you up to date with the dating disasters..as we all know..Bridget Jones has nothing on me.

Thankyou again all, your support has been everything. You rock.

Muchos,

xx